Mother nature you nasty, that's why you got syphilis!

I was going to talk about the frog I cut open find a lovely beating heart (it was brain dead). But this email is infinitely better. It explains how extreme the Montreal weather gets on a somewhat regular basis, and why Montrealers laugh at any other Canadian who complains about snow, ice, slush, low temperatures, etc. and basically any shitty winter weather. Please note the picture is not from today, but just imagine a thick layer of ice is underneath the snow (not far from the truth). And that it rained all the following day on it in temperatures hovering around zero.

From : Sarah Thomas
Sent : January 18, 2006 10:31:40 AM
Subject : don't go outside today (if its not too late)

this morning i left my house at 9 as usual for my 9:30 class. i just got to class 10 minutes ago and the professor isn't even there. it was the scariest experience of my life. as soon as i stepped off the steps leading to our front door i slid across the sidewalk into the street where all the cars were already stopped. all of the sidewalks and most of the streets in montreal are like this now. not to mention that its pouring out. before, all the ice was bumpy so even though it was still slippery, there was some friction. now the rain has made all the iciness as smooth as glass and theres no stopping anybody from sliding all the way down the mountain. the only hope was to walk in the tire treads of some of the streets that were flat enough. when i came to an uphill, i started sliding down, only to be held up by the guy behind me. at the top of another hill, there were police cars preventing cars from going down. all the cars were at the top of the hill on the other side trying to stay up. on large truck was constantly revving its engine and still sliding downhill. i had to cross this street, but it was terrifying because of that truck. behind the truck were multiple cars perpendicular to the road also trying not to slide down the hill. i was stuck in the middle of the road, bracing myself. if i moved i knew i would either fall and get run over by the truck, or start sliding out of control and hit a car below me before the truck came and squished me anyways. it was probably one of the most terrifying things ever. when i finally made move, i managed to keep my balance while sliding down the road, making it across before getting too far down. a man on the other side of the street helped me to get over the sidewalk and into a snow bank, which was deep and wet, but definitely not slippery. I walked across a field in the wet snow and came to the next dilemma. another street had to be crossed, and this one was steeper than the previous one. there was a line of people along the road trying not to fall and contemplating the traverse. One girl refused to go any further. we were two blocks from class, and she insisted that her friend call a cab so they could go home. i would not trust a cab in these conditions. so i started to cross the street...on step off the snow, i promptly fell on my left side and started sliding downhill, in a 6-inch deep waterfall of rainwater and snow meltage. i had taken my gloves off before this because they were too wet. one girl looks horrified when she witnessed my fall. i managed to get off the ice and continue to try to cross the street. it wasn't happening. it was so icy, i could not move from where i was standing without falling again. finally, someone pointed out a somewhat less icy spot further uphill. so i climbed uphill to a spot where i could finally cross. getting across the sidewalk proved just as difficult as crossing the street. i launched myself across the sidewalk into a tree, which i held onto until i could think of the next place to go. by this time i was also ready to go home, but home was further than class, and i didn't want to face that truck again so i kept going. with the help of an icy handrail, i made it up some stairs and started walking across a driveway to the next street. if i had not been thouroughly soaked enough, i was after i fell a second time on my back into another puddle. this time it was more difficult to get up. i considered crawling the rest of the way to class. i finally made it to the last street that was to be crossed. another steep one, i could not do it. one guy had these spikes attached to the bottom of his shoes (like those rubber things they have at EMS) and he was helping another guy cross. he told me if i could stay where i was he would come back and help me. it was difficult enough not to fall over, but i somehow succeeded in sliding minimally downhill until the guy came back and caught me. he got me across the last street and instructed me on how to get to my building by cutting through two other buildings. I found my way into the biology building and made my way upstairs. very humbly walking towards the back of the classroom, i took a seat and laid out my wet coat. the contents of my backpack are soaked. my coat is soaked. my jeans are soaked. and its cold outside. i sat there for 10 minutes waiting for the professor and then realized he wasn't coming if he already missed half the class. I don't want to walk back home, so i'm sitting in the computer lab while the comfortable office chair absorbs some of the wetness from my jeans. I almost feel bad for the next person to sit here. Now it's 10:30 and I have to get to the lab, which is all uphill. Maybe they'll let me go home and dry off. I wish i hadn't ever stepped out of my apartment.